I know Dani through my friend JONAH WINTER, as they used to be in a band together — ED'S REDEEMING QUALITIES. For longer than I've known her, she has been the CHEAP EATS “food reviewer” for the San Francisco BAY GUARDIAN. Over the years she has utilized the column for the discussion of sports, chicken farming, existence — anything rather than creating quotable copy for the restaurant to proudly post in its window.I have appeared in the column myself, as both "Rapunzel" and "KayJay." Appropriate episodes appear below.
Dani’s reviews have been published as EAT THIS, SAN FRANCISCO. She also has two story collections:THE MEANING OF LUNCH and BIG BEND.
In recent years Dani has decided to go by L.E. (Lady Exister); she performs solo with steel drum as SISTER EXISTER. She and drum were also members of the LIPSEY MOUNTAIN SPRING BAND.
Dani is my new favorite philosopher.
"Johnny 'Jack' Blogger has been blogging and talking a lot about nostalgia. This ain't that. My own happy happy sizzly sadness is set some time in the future. I don't want to be fried, or cooked in a clay pot either, but there is something delicious in my medium-size heart, flop and roll and apropos of none of the above. I twist, I turn, I sink and spin, and can't even begin to spell it." —"Meatballs," November 19, 2008
FEATURED REVIEWSAPRIL 28, 2004"She raises chickens (in the Mission). She writes on a manual typewriter (in Internet cafés). She colors her toenails (yellow, like eggs). L.E. Leone describes 10 years of looking for the best cheap food around."
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JANUARY 26, 2005Note: Dani, her friend Bernie, and I made a road trip together to New York to attend Jonah (a.k.a. Haywire)'s wedding in November 2001.
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JULY 20, 2005Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for scatological references to follow.FEBRUARY 14, 2007
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Appearing under our real names —NOVEMBER 12, 2008
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"So you know, in my first week of owning my first-ever brand new car pickup truck, the subcompact Honda Fit, I hauled: a wood pile, a Dumpster full of kindling, a new bed, a beautiful table and two chairs, and a goth sympathizer."
OTHER FAVORITES
April 7, 1999: FURRY CREATURESApril 28, 1999: NO ATHLETIC FOOTWEAR
June 28, 2000: THE CRYING GAME
February 27, 2002: SHEEPLESS IN SONOMA
September 4, 2002: JUST CLUB ME
March 17, 2004: A SPRING IN HER STEP
November 17, 2004: PEOPLE DO
February 23, 2005: THE DOWN LOW
March 30, 2005: AS I LAY DYING
April 20, 2005: THE WORLD IN THE EVENING
May 24, 2006: PLAY IT AGAIN
December 6, 2006: UNMOORED
February 7, 2007: REORIENTATION
February 13, 2008: THE DROP
September 24, 2008: DRAMA QUEEN
November 5, 2008: CAN HAVE
April 15, 2009: ANGELSMay 27, 2009: LOVE STORY
August 19, 2009: HARD-HEADED
CURRENT REVIEWClick on CHEAP EATS in FOOD & DRINK Section of the San Francisco BAY GUARDIAN, www.sfbg.com
"You remember saying to someone back at the bar: 'I think I might try dating younger men, since older ones strike me as disappointingly immature. With younger ones at least I won't be disappointed. And there will be hope. Insane hope, but hope.'
What they heard, between guitar solos and microphone feedback: 'I think the fire was in the bedroom, since something something scintillatingly immature. With young rum the peaches won't be disappointing. Something something. I'm insane! Ho ho ho!'"
—"Home Field Advantage," July 16, 2008
AND NOW FOR A LITTLE THEATER[Scene: Chinese Dive in Bayview. An apparent regular with rap-squirting Walkman headphones around his neck sits down the counter from the restaurant reviewer and calls out to the young feller tending the woks.]WALKMANMAN: Hey, what's happening, Homey?
WOKMAN: [Turning, grinning goofily] Hi! I love you.
WALKMANMAN: [Chuckling to himself] Man, he says some funny shit. I'm gonna learn to talk that shit someday.
[Curtain]
